Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by LiveLaughLove013
Summary: Fred and George Weasley, along with Lee Jordan and Angelina Johnson, are determined to do everything they aren't allowed to do at Hogwarts. Ranges from the twins 1st year (1989) to the time the twins leave during their 7th year (1996).
1. Rule 1

**The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

_Gryffindor Common Room, 8 pm, Christmas Eve, 1994_

"So, Fred and I are going together, and Lee is going with Alicia," Angelina asked Fred, Lee, and George the night before the Yule Ball. "Correct?"

Lee nodded, while Fred and George exchanged mischievous looks, no doubt knowing what Angelina was going to ask next.

"Who are you going with, George?"

"We've been meaning to ask you about that," George began, and Angelina groaned.

"Oh boy,"

…

_6 pm, Christmas Day, 1994_

"Come on," George coaxed, pulling the squid into the castle, "We're going to have a great time,"

"This will be interesting," Angelina muttered from next to Fred, also pulling the squid in.

"Agreed,"

"FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY, ANGELINA JOHNSON, LEE JORDAN. WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?" An angry Professor McGonagall came strolling towards them, shouting. "WHY DID YOU BRING THE GIANT SQUID INTO THE CASTLE?"

"Well, Professor," Fred began.

"I asked _darling Squiddie_ here to the ball with me," George explained.

McGonagall's eyes went wide with disbelief.

"And they asked me to get her ready," Angelina finished.

McGonagall seemed to find her voice again, as she resumed yelling. "Take the squid outside now! You will not be taking the _squid _to the ball, Mr Weasley! Detention for all of you, and 30 points from Gryffindor! Take the squid back outside to the lake now!" She turned to Fred. "I suppose you're planning on taking a dragon or something of that sort,"

"Actually, Minnie," Fred smirked. "I'm taking the night off from mischief making,"

"I don't believe that," Angie laughed, "Considering _I'm_ your date,"

McGonagall groaned. "Get out of my sight, all of you,"


	2. Rule 45

**45. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner.**

_McGonagall's Office, 8 pm, January, 1994_

"Professor," Fred began seriously, "We have a confession to make,"

Fred, George, Lee, and Angelina had come to Professor McGonagall's office after dinner together, despite the fact they didn't have a detention. McGonagall was a bit confused, but let them in to tell her whatever it was they wanted to tell her.

"Do you remember when all your books magically went missing?" George asked.

McGonagall nodded. "Yes, the Marauders did it, in 1978,"

"Well, professor," Angelina told her, "It wasn't actually the Marauders,"

"It was us," Lee explained, grinning triumphantly.

"Weasley, Weasley, Jordan, Johnson," McGonagall stated. "Detention,"

"Why?"

"If you want to pretend you-"

"We actually did it," Fred protested. Angelina, Lee, and George chorused their agreement.

"We even have a time turner," George said. Angelina pulled the necklace out of her robes pocket. McGonagall gasped.

"Where did you get that?"

"Hermione Granger," The four chorused, then dissolved into fits of laughter.

McGonagall snatched the time turner out of Angelina's hand.

"That's another two days of detention to add to the three days you had already,"

"What? Why do we already have three days?" Lee asked.

"If you're going to confess to crimes, you have to take the punishment," McGonagall tells them, a hint of a smile grazing her face. "I'll send you notes when I decide on your detentions. Dismissed,"

The four stand and scramble out of her office.

"So, not one of our best plans,"


	3. List

The Weasley Twins, Accompanied by Lee Jordan and Angelina Johnson

** Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

**2.I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore."**

**3.I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful."**

**4. I will not insist the house-elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.**

**5. If my classmates fall asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arms.**

**6. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless, tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.**

**7. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it's blood.**

**8. I am not allowed to refer myself as the New Dark Lord.**

**9. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.**

**10. I am not allowed to wear Death Eater robes to dinner and shout "Long live Lord Voldemort" because I think it's funny.**

**11. I am not allowed to draw smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new Dark Mark.**

**12. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.**

**13. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.**

**14. Professor Flitwick first name is not Yoda.**

**15. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.  
- Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor.  
- I am not a Professor, at all.**

**16. I will not replace Madame Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.  
- I will not replace Proffesor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.**

**17. Gryffindor's courage does not come in bottles labeled firewhiskey.  
- Charming the label does not change anything.**

**18. Chemistry and Potions don't mix.  
- Testing the last is not funny.**

**19. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, note even for entertainment purposes.**

**20. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.**

**21. Hagrid does not have relationships with magical creatures, and I should stop implying that he does.**

**22. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.**

**23. First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.**

**24. There is not bring a muggle to school day.  
- And I should stop insisting there is.**

**25. The fact that Draco Malfoy is a short, blonde, pale-eyed and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins that Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support.**

**26. I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil."**

**27. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." To Lord Voldemort.**

**28. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite Fred and George Weasley as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.**

**-Or Lee Jordan**

**-Or Angelina Johnson**

**29. I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.**

**30. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".**

**31. I will not wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother.**

**32. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.**

**33. I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.**

**32. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny, either.**

**33. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one shoulder answer.**

**34. I will never again use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.  
- Or tomatoes, plums, oranges, or any other food item. Or any other item that is not a Bludger.**

**35. "Y'all check this -here stuff out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.**

**36. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.**

**37. Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny. He does not like being reminded of his incident.**

**38. Stealing first years clothing and then tossing it into and around the Whomping Willow is highly frowned at.**

**39. Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is.  
- That goes double when Draco Malfoy is within earshot.**

**40. Not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.  
- Not allowed to use silencing charms on the Prefects.  
- Not allowed to use silencing charms, period.**

**41. Will not offer to sell Hagrid new creatures.  
- Especially not if I actually have them.**

**42. I will not try to recreate the Whomping Willow in herbology class.**

**43. I will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour.**

**44. I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets.  
- Especially if it is only a one-way ticket.**

**45. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner.**

**46. I will not use invisibility charms on anyone's clothing.**

**47. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.**

**48. I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.  
- Especially not all of them at once.**

**49. The Slytherin Gift to Virgins is fictional, and I should not be asking Draco Malfoy or any of the other Slytherin boys if they've mastered it yet.**

**50. I am not to stare at the Great Hall ceiling during dinner in the winder and cry 'My god, it's full of stars.'**

**51. I am not to sing "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.' when sent to the Headmaster's office.**

**52. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.**

**53. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout 'To the batmobile, Robin!'**

**54. I will not try to convert my housemates to Christianity.  
- Or Wicca.  
- This does not mean that my religious rights are being violated.**

**55. I will not insult people and then say I was given Veritaserum.  
- I will not give people Veritaserum.**

**56. The four Houses are not the Awesomes, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, respectively).**

**57. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.  
- Neither is Professor Snape.**

**58. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.**

**59. The house elves are not there to do my homework**

**- Neither are the ghosts.**

**60. I am not a magical creature.**

**61. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.**

**62. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child.**

**63. Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die.**

**64. Grindewald is not my role model.  
- Neither is Voldemort.**

**65. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.**

**66. I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.  
- Including my own.**

**67. Professor Snape's problem is not that 'he needs to get laid".**

**68. Draco Malfoy is not a ferret animagus.**

**69. Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off.  
- Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to Potions class.  
- Nobody cares that it makes me feel 'pretty'**

**70. Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not.**

**71. 'OMGWTF' is not a spell.**

**72. It is not necessary for me to tell 'BURN!' every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.**

**73. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first years.**

**74. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".**

**75. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.**

**76. I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.**

**77. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.  
- Not even if I want to try to convince others he's senile.**

**78. Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.**

**79. I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast, or any other meal. And then tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next.**

**80. Singing "Wild thing, you make my heart sing" whenever you see Professor Lupin is not allowed, even though he likes it.**

**81. Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.**

**82. Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Qudditch match.**

**83. Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny.  
- Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes I thought so too."**

**-This goes for Ron and Hermione as well, no matter how true it is.**

**84. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwarts' smartest student is in another house.**

**85. It is not appropriate to trade first years between houses.**

**86. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be Obliviated.**

**87. Using the 'Petrificus Totalus" curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June.**

A/N: This is the list I will be choosing from. If you have one of these you want to see the twins, Angie, and Lee attempt, leave it in a review and I will try to write it.

If you have any not on this list you would like to see, leave those in a review as well.


	4. Rule 30

**30. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".**

_Gryffindor Common Room, 8 pm, January, 1995_

"Angie?" Fred asked from his seat on a couch in the Gryffindor Common Room, "Can you get me my potions book from my dorm?"

"Why?" She asked, looking up from her Transfiguration essay.

"Because you're my girlfriend, and I need it?" Fred suggests.

"Hm…" Angelina says, pretending to think about it. "No,"

"Angel," Fred whines, "I need it,"

"Get it yourself," She tells him, turning her attention back to her essay.

"But I don't want to!"

"Then use The Force," She tells him, not looking up from her essay.

"Use the _what_?"

"The Force," Angelina repeats, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Here, I'll show you," She raises her wand and casts a summoning charm. "Accio!"

Fred's potion book comes flying through the common room, hitting a few heads as it goes, and lands in Angelina's outstretched hand. She passes it to Fred.

"Why'd you call a summoning charm 'The Force'?" Fred asks curiously.

"Well, there's this muggle film…"

…

"Use the Force!" Fred yelled for the tenth time that hour.

Angelina sighed. "I never should of told you about that,"


	5. Rule 2

**I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore."**

_November, 1995_

"Very well," Umbridge simpered, about 3 hours after the twins had arrived for their detention. "Let me see your hands,"

She took Fred's hand first, a sinister smile crossing her face. It quickly changes to shock.

"What did you do, Weasley?" She asked, glaring at him. Fred returned her gaze, unflinching.

"I wrote what you told me to," He smirked.

"I believe I told you to write 'I will respect my Professor's rules and instructions', not this,"

"Yes, well, I must have heard you wrong," Fred grinned. "C'mon George,"

"You will not leave until I dismiss you!" Umbridge screeched.

"Do you need to see my hand before we leave?" George asked innocently, showing her the back of his hand.

Carved there into his flesh by Umbridge's blood quill, already fading, are words, obviously not the ones the twins had been instructed to write.

_I told you I was hardcore._


	6. Rule 79

**79. I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast, or any other meal. And then tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next.**

_September 24, 1993_

"Weasley!" McGonagall yelled as she entered the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Yes Professor?" The voices of Percy, Fred, George, Ronald, and Ginevra Weasley responded from around the room. Percy was reading his transfiguration book, the Professor noted with a smile, Ronald was sitting by the fire with Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, and young Ginevra, or Ginny as she asked to be called, was writing what she supposed was an essay.

Fred and George were sitting in a deserted corner of the room with Lee Jordan and Angelina Johnson, bent over a piece of parchment and muttering as Johnson scribbled furiously. Students were veering away from them, shooting weary glances at the foursome.

"Twins!" McGonagall clarified. "My office, now! I will meet you there in a moment,"

One of the twins - Fred? - whispered something to Johnson, who quickly shoved the parchment and quill in her bag. The two stood and left the Common Room.

McGonagall frowned at Angelina Johnson and Lee Jordan, who were whispering and glancing anxiously around the room. She knew they were up to something, but she couldn't prove anything; they would just tell her the twins and Lee had been helping Angelina with an essay or something of that sort.

McGonagall spoke quickly to Percy concerning Head duties, then made her way to her office, where the twins were waiting.

"Take a seat," She told them, and they quickly obliged. "What's this I hear about you telling 1st year Hufflepuffs the Dark Lord eats students from their house?"

"And if they warn anyone, the Dark Lord will eat them next," Fred reminded her.

"Who told you?" George asked.

"We'll have to tell the Dark Lord who,"

"His next victim will be,"

"That is not the point! You can't go around scaring students like that! Detention for both of you!"

"Yes ma'am," The twins saluted, grinning cheekily.

"Just go," McGonagall sighed. "And tell Jordan and Johnson that they better not be helping you,"

The twins nodded and left the office.

"We _have _to find out who told the secret,"

"The Dark Lord wants to punish them…"

"Twins!" McGonagall's voice sounded from her office. "Do I need to give you _another_ detention?"


	7. Rule 8

**8. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.**

_March 7, 1994_

"Make way, make way! Evil Dark Lord coming through!" George Weasley proclaimed, strolling through the corridors with his twin, Fred. "Make way for Fred Weasley, the new Dark Lord!"

"Mr Weasley, what is going on?" Professor Flitwick asked. "Why on earth are you saying Mr Weasley is the new Dark Lord?"

"I am the new Dark Lord," Fred said, fake serious. "You'd do well to remember that, _Filius._ You do not want to be on my bad side,"

"Mr Weasley, this is not funny," Professor Flitwick said sternly. "Stop with this nonsense and get inside!"

"You have been warned…" Fred hissed, sweeping into the classroom, closely followed by George.

"So," Angelina commented as the twins sunk into the seats between her and Lee. "You're the new Dark Lord then, eh Fred?"

"Yes, I am, Miss Johnson. Have you come to swear your allegiance to me? I am in need of more followers. You would be my second in command, my most trusted servant,"

"Oi, what about me?" George asked, hurt. "I'm your twin; I have to be your second in command!"

"Very well," Fred conceded. "I apologize, Miss Johnson. You would be my third in command,"

"Acceptable, I suppose," Angelina frowned.

"Messrs Weasley, Miss Johnson!" Professor Flitwick called impatiently. "Do I need to take points?"

"Only from Slytherin, sir," George grinned cheekily.

Flitwick sighed. "5 points from Gryffindor,"


	8. Rule 11

**11. I am not allowed to draw smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new Dark Mark**

_History of Magic classroom, March 7, 1994_

"So, Angelina, you never did agree to join me," Fred commented as soon as they were inside the classroom, taking their seats in the very back.

"What's in it for me?"

"Well," George began. "You would get to,"

"Eliminate those pesky Death Eaters,"

"Not to mention _their_ Dark Lord,"

"Who's totally fake,"

"And,"

"This is the best part," Fred stage whispered.

"You'd get this!" George pulled up his left sleeve to reveal a smiley face tattooed there in black ink.

"Er… What exactly is it?" Angelina asked.

"The new dark mark of course!" Both twins exclaimed, bursting into laughter and gaining a few odd looks. Professor Binns kept teaching on goblin rebellions (or something like that) as if nothing had happened.

Angelina sighed, and turned towards Alicia Spinnet, sitting in front of her. "Why am I friends with them?"

"I have no idea,"

Angelina sighed.

"So," Fred said suddenly. "You want your new Dark Mark, Angelina?"

…

_Gryffindor 5__th__ year girls' dorms, 11 pm, March 7, 1994_

"What's that on your arm?" One of Angelina's dorm mates, Emily Forester, asked curiously, pointing to the smiley face on Angelina's lower left arm.

Angelina sighed and climbed into bed. "The new dark mark, of course," She mumbled.

Emily laughed. "Don't be silly, Angelina," She told her. "What's it really?"

"I'm completely serious," Angelina replied, mumbling something about Fred and George Weasley being total prats.

"Fred's apparently the new Dark Lord, and the twins apparently 'forced' Angelina into getting the 'Dark Mark'" Alicia giggled. "Pretty silly if you ask me,"

"Of course it is," Angelina commented. "This is Fred and George we're talking about. Now, I'm going to bed. Goodnight,"

**Hello, everyone, sorry it's been so long in updating. I've had these new chapters ready awhile, but my internet crashed so I haven't been able to update.**

**That said, I want to say this story probably won't be updated regularly, but rather when I get inspiration/have the time.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	9. Rule 3

**I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful."**

_Gryffindor Quidditch Practice, November, 1991_

"Okay, team!" Oliver Wood finally called after a long Quidditch practice. "Hit the showers!"

Everyone tromped towards the locker rooms to shower and change, but Fred and George refused.

Angelina found them waiting for her outside the locker rooms a half hour later when she emerged.

"Why haven't you showered?" She demanded. "You smell terrible,"

"Well, George and I just realized something," Fred announced, slinging his arm around her shoulder. She quickly pushed his arm off and stepped away, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"When you shower, you're,"

"Giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful!" The twins collapsed into laughter, leaving Angelina to wonder why her friends had to be so immature.

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long! My computer with this story on it crashed, and I had to get a new one and rewrite these chapters. Sorry!**


	10. Rule 31

**I will not wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother.**

_Charms Corridor, May, 1992_

"C'mon Angie, it will be funny!"

"Fine, fine, I'll do it," Angelina grabbed the black hooded cloak and slipped it on, covering her hair and face.

"Harry," She called, stepping out into the corridor where Harry was walking to charms with Ron Weasley. "Harry,"

"What- Who are you?" Harry asked, turning to face her.

"Why, Harry," She gasped, in fake shock, "You don't remember your own mother?"

"Er," Harry stumbled over his words, trying to pull his thoughts together. "My mother's dead,"

"No, Harry," The lady replied, deadly serious. "Lily Evans Potter is dead,"

"Lily Potter is my mum," Harry shot back.

"No, Harry," She repeated. "I'm your real mum,"

She pushed back the hood to reveal her dark skin and black hair. "Bye Harry, dear! See you again soon!" She called, running back towards the twins and Lee.

"Angelina Johnson?" Harry wonders to Ron after she disappeared. "She is most certainly _not _my mum,"

Ron snickered. "Can't believe you fell for that,"

"I did not!"


End file.
